In previous posts we have talked about the Psychosynthesis model for wholeness. This week’s post will be about a wholeness path that is uniquely for women living in patriarchy. Even though it is relevant to both men and women because we “all hold it all,” it is particularly pertinent to women because we live in an un-integrated, masculine energy dominated system. Ultimately everyone needs to bring in the Feminine Principle to achieve balance and wholeness for all! It’s a dance.
Maureen Murdock in The Heroine’s Journey, creates a circular map of a Feminine Principle journey to wholeness, a complete guide to becoming an unto-one’s self, sovereign, self-actualized person. In contrast, Joseph Campbell in The Hero With A Thousand Faces has written about a Masculine Principle, hero’s journey which is presented as a straight line. This straight-line journey was assumed to be the model for both men and women, of course! Murcock’s model, however, shows women will save themselves by activating and integrating their own inner masculine energy.
Historically the cultural model has been fairytales, but in patriarchal context these “energies” come across as external hero male rescues female damsel, stereotypic roles of male and female which disempower a woman’s integration of her own masculine energy. We no longer need to be rescued by a handsome prince--we already have one waiting to be discovered! (The film Pretty Woman comes to mind where Julia Roberts says “She rescues him right back!”) That’s what I call mutuality and reciprocity.
The following is a synopsis of Murdock’s nine step guide to self-discovery for women within patriarchy. It begins with “Separation from the Feminine” and ends with “Integrating the Masculine and Feminine.” This guide is valid for both men and women, but especially relevant for women since we function within a system that doesn’t empower women’s development of autonomy, sovereignty, and wholeness in equal measure to that of the Masculine.
Please share: The glass ceiling of the workplace is just one example of this. Do you have any other examples inequality?
“Women do have a quest at this time in our culture. It is the quest to embrace their feminine nature, learning how to value themselves as women and heal the deep wound of the feminine.” (Men carry this wound as well--it is just covered over by masculine energy sanctioned rules and standards.) It is a very important inner journey toward being a fully integrated, balanced and whole human being! Like most journeys, the path of the heroine is not easy. It has no well-defined guideposts nor recognizable tour guides. There is no map, no navigational chart, no chronological age when the journey begins. It follows no straight lines. It is a journey that seldom receives validation from the outside world, in fact the outer world often sabotages and interferes with it.” pg. 3, Maureen Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey. Murdock further states, “I find that many women who have embraced the masculine hero’s journey have forgotten how to foster….themselves.” pg. 7 ibid.
For this post we will focus on the first two steps, (1) Separation from the feminine and (2) Identification with the Masculine, and then continue with the rest in subsequent posts. These two steps are what I call the male-identified female experience and it is very easy to get stuck here because the culture rewards women in this place. To find wholeness one must move beyond this place. Women have been taught to reject the mother or feminine and embrace patriarchal rules, values, expectations and standards at great cost to their feminine energy nature. In the process they learn to devalue their feminine nature and devalue other women as well. Here are some examples of behavior that women need to embrace:
++ Stand apart from the physical mother. Women will experience the conflict between wanting their mother’s love and self-actualization. To decide that one has had a “good enough” mother and then move on to mothering one’s self is critical. This is the “unto oneself” position where the mother/daughter boundary is clear. “I am not my mother.” It is the position of autonomy which supports clear relationship rather than symbiosis.
++ Acknowledge, and embrace, without judgement the shadow or more negative qualities of the feminine. It is the beginning to accept to loving all of who we are.
++ Separate from the good mother as well. “Some feel that inherent in the definition of feminine is obligation to always take care of others.” and “Society has encouraged women to live through others rather than find their own fulfillment.” As human beings we all share the capacity to care. It need not just be relegated to the female gender and if it is, it is a grave loss to everyone.
++ Accept one’s own self-defined body. Taking an “I am OK” stance and rejecting external body definition standards and expectations of a male energy dominated culture. We have been massively impacted by the male purview of ad agencies for a very long time.
++ Refuse to be alienated by the personal mother which leads to identification with the father and patriarchal culture. It is important to remember that we always “hold it all”, both the masculine and the feminine. Reject the mind-trap of either/or thinking. We can choose both/and, taking on the best masculine and feminine qualities possible. If we choose one way of being in the moment, its opposite does not disappear. It is just in potential for being chosen, at some other moment. The cultural myth that supports this identification with the father and patriarchal culture is that of Zeus and Athena, the goddess who was born out of his head! There was no mother in the picture. She ended up a swan!
++ Look for role models who support the female ego. This often comes in the form of a mentor or female role model of some kind. It can be a boss, a good friend, a grandmother, favorite character etc. It is, however, always female. Can you think of any in your life? Write them down and ponder the positive influence they have had on your life.
++ Search for a conscious, positive male ally. My favorite example of this comes from Robert Deniro’s character with Ann Hathaway’s in the movie, “The Intern,” but there are others out there.
++ Identify your subpersonality that is “addicted to perfection” and contemplate its impact on you. It can be a real inhibitor/suppressor of creativity and speaking up for oneself.
++ Learn to identify the rules of the game that patriarchy and Dad have set-up. Put the Patriarchy on sabbatical. Reduce the number or shoulds and oughts by recognizing their source and bring forward the “I want tos.” and “I wills”.
If one follows these steps, a woman will find the goldmine of her own, inner positive masculine that Murdock calls, “The Man with the Heart” which is my current favorite idea. More to come on this topic in the future. A question I now frequently ask myself, “Is this a choice or belief of a woman who identifies with patriarchy, a male identified female, or is this a choice of a whole, sovereign, free-thinking woman?” Believe me, none of this is easy but well worth the effort to clarify and claim autonomy.